Big Hair/Little Body

This picture is vintage mid 90's. I was soooooooooo wrapped up in myself at this point in my life. I actually wore this dress to a company banquet, where I won an award. I remember not wanting to eat that night because I was worried it might make me less awesome somehow. I stayed at this weight for about one week, and then I passed out -- woke up and ate.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

Sophie won her bid for Mayor this past week. Her competition was strong, but they were no match for her cookies.

After

Here is the "after" photo of the same floor that is pictured in the post below. It took us about 2 days non stop to finish this project. It was messy and smelly and I hated every second of it -- but now I love it, kind of like childbirth.

Sanding My Life Away

Here is a pic from a few months ago of Brad (hubby of almost 17 years) refinishing the 100 year old floors in the Brenham building. I will never know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, (if I'm going to eat candy -- by golly it's not going to be one of those things), but I do know we had to sand this bitch of a floor 6 times until it was smooth like a baby's bum.

In The Hot Suit

This past fall, I worked the Book Fair at my daughter's school. I had a horrible cold, but like any tireless parental volunteer, I showed up and did my job as Clifford. That suit was hot as hell. After five days, I had lost 3lbs. and my cold. I just feel sorry for the poor person who wore that thing after me.

Helicopter Parent Rides Again

Griffin's class had a Christmas tree decorating contest during December. He was given a cardboard cut out of a plain green tree, and was told to decorate it with beads, beans, paints, glitter -- the usual. I gave Griffin the supplies to decorate his trees and let him be. After it was decorated and he was asleep -- I back lit that thing with battery operated Christmas lights and mounted it on foam core to hold it all in place -- it even had an on/off switch. It rocked. When I showed him what I did the next morning before school. He replied "I had a feeling you would'nt leave it alone."

FYI -- he won!

Individuality

I live in a verrrrrry conservative area of Texas, that is like 90% Republican. My son attends a wonderful Christian private school, that is 99.9% Republican. I am a Democrat and so is my awesome husband Brad. It started when I was finally able to vote and I have stayed that way. I am so open to all things and views, I just wish other people were the same sometimes. Last night, watching our 44th President address Congress was surreal to me. I still can't beleive he won that election. It was such rollercoaster ride. I just hope now, that people will stop wanting to convert me, debate with me and call me out on my beliefs. Get over it already. Not everyone who lives in Texas is an elephant -- geez! I love being a Donkey (jack ass to some).

One More Cookie Story

This is the last cookie story I'll post -- I promise. I get really nervous when I have to deal with the general public for extended periods of time. To offset the nervousness, I make wisecracks and try to be funny. I was in full force on Friday at the cookie booth in front of Wal Mart. I kept on telling customers that "Peanut Butter Patties are even better if you place them on a plate and heat them up in the microwave and then eat them with a fork." "Thin Mints are extra yummy if you freeze them and then take them out all stuck together and eat them like corn on the cob."

The sad thing is, I really do those things.

Covergirl

Sophie and her friends from Brownies (theme of the day) on the front page of the local paper. This was from Friday when it was not raining like the world was coming to end. Sophie has rocked the front page three times in three years. Yes, it's a small town -- but give her some credit already!

Soggy Bottoms

Ahhhh my favorite time of the year .. Girl Scout Cookie time. This is the time where we get to beg for sales in a failing economy -- while some people do actually buy, usually the men, I've noticed women are like hags who act like they can't hear you. All you have to say is , "Sorry -- no thanks. I'm allergic to cookies" or whatever. I also have to give my 10 year old son credit for being such a good sport about being dragged to these events. He actually heckles the people who are crappy to us. Then out of parental obligation, I say something like, "Now, now son there will be none of that." This morning it started to rain like Noah's flood and it was freakin cold! All of our cookies were soaked too. Secretly, I was happy to get to leave 2 hours early!! -- I guess it's not really a secret anymore.

Hockey Mom

My son played roller hockey for a couple of seasons and I am so glad he quit, because it totally stressed me out. His first game was the most memorable -- having absolutely no experience and even less coaching, he came off the rink and onto the bench sweaty, hot and confused. I helicopter parented over there to give him a drink of water when he asked through his helmet and mouth guard -- "Mom, what does defense mean?"

Termites Bite

For the past 3 years we have been working on a historic, downtown building in Brenham, Texas. It has consumed our lives and at times I thought I would die or go insane from it. Here is a picture of my Saint of a husband Brad dealing with the ancient old pine wood floors and the horrible termite damage. Termites are the real terrorists -- it's true.

I don't feel so bad today after all!

There is a picture out there today of Pam Anderson at a fashion show in NYC romping around in a gold one piece that is stuck so far in her crack, thus showing her behind to world. First of all, I wish I could post the pic -- but I can't. Secondly, I have a message for Pam : "Pam, it's time. No really put a sarong on that business back there -- we all have to. It's the way of the world baby -- deal with it."

Farrah Hair

Sorry about the size of this old picture, but it is one of my favorites. I am probably about 12 in this picture and I'm guessing it was my birthday. I love the fact that I cannot stop biting the inside of my mouth long enough for my mother to take a picture. I also have to give myself some credit for my hair being so *#@%ing awesome -- in Conroe Texas it is like 99.9% humidity everyday -- I must of not stepped outside on my birthday that year.

High in the Sky

My seven year old daughter Sophie brought this illustration home from school the other day and I really like it. I call it "Mommy on Sudafed".

Beach Bleach Blonde

This is Brad and I in 1994. We worked out two times a day and had no children at the time. It burned like hell fire to get my hair that color.

No Wonder!

Is it any wonder that I have body issues? This is me at age 3 or 4.

Miss. Mayor

Sophie is running for class mayor -- I know usually it's president, but she is in 2nd grade. They are focusing on Social Studies and how local government works, so it only makes sense to lobby for votes with food -- it's the American way.

Happy Valentines Day

I will post more later today, we are going to a Birthday Party at a Go Kart place this morning. I'm sure I will have a headache in no time.

Friday the 13th

This is a mug shot of my ex-boyfriend from highschool. He was arrested for vadalizing a TV news van and then fleeing the scene on a bicycle in October of '07. His name is Jason and his birthday is 2/13 -- Ironic, isn't it?

Isla Fisher is funny

Okay, I never watch Rachel Ray -- (I could care less about cooking), but I watched today's show with Isla Fisher for a minute and she is really funny. I most likely will not watch her new movie "Confessions of a Shopaholic" even though I have read the book -- why not? Well, the only reason I read the book is because the author's name is Sophie and my daughter's name is Sophie. Makes perfect sense -- yes I know.

Everyone is turning 40 -- and I am still 38!!!

Today, as we all know, is Jennifer Aniston's 40th Birthday. I am so happy it is not mine, yet. There is so much work to be done before that time comes.

Favorite Picture of my Kids

Today's theme seems to be favorite pictures so it seems only right that I include this one. I really, really love Halloween and I have channeled this passion into making over the top costumes for my kids. This one is from a couple of years ago and we were new to town. When we showed up at the Trunk or Treat event at a local church, heads turned. All of the other kids costumes sucked - mine looked like we could head over to Montrose for the night.

Sixteen Candles

These are some of my favorite pictures of Ryan and I. It is my sixteenth birthday and I love the way I am dressed like a Dalmatian and have a tan. (I am white as a ghost normally.) The first picture is my dramatic reaction to Ryan farting. He looks so pleased with himself.

The Ugliest Shoes Award

I don't know what is worse -- the fact that I know these shoes are ugly because I have the gift of sight or the fact that I still wear these shoes on a weekly basis knowing damn well how hideous they are.

Coconut Conversation

"Mom, did you know the coconut tree has the largest seeds in the world of any tree?" asked my 10 year son Griffin. "They weigh 50 pounds!" he exclaimed.

I replied in my stereotypical Mom voice,"Whoa those seeds are as big as you Griffin!"

"Don't mock me" -- Griffin

Fat = Boobs

I will admit that one of the perks of being overweight is for the first time in my life I have a great rack. I had cleavage in that dress I tell you ... cleavage!!

Happy Couple

Here is the happy couple cutting the cake. The reception was so elegant and the dinner was amazing.

Who Knew?

I was at my brother's wedding this past weekend and it was elegant and wonderful. The most interesting bit of information was given to me by the Four Season's wedding coordinator, Lisa. She told me that U2's Bono, is a very sweet man, who never comes to the hotel with a huge entourage and is very kind and gracious. Oh, and he is petite. He wears "little heels" she said. Upon hearing this news, and it was news to me, I did little Irish jig in my dress and heels, right there in the hallway of the Four Seasons -- why? Well for one, I was high on cold medicine and secondly because I am from short Irish people too, and I felt like I won a battle or something.

She's Just Not That Into You

I have a male and female Yorkshire Terriers. The male is Callaway, (he has the look of despair in eyes), and the female is Metif. He is always horny and she is a lesbian.

Tex - Mex

This is what I fed my family the other night. It was Taco Night and these are refried beans. I should be arrested.

My brother is getting married this weekend in Austin at the Four Seasons. My children are in the wedding, they are truly looking forward to dressing up in their fancy clothes. Me, not so much.

My mother and I went shopping for a dress a couple of weeks ago and it was a holy hell nightmare. My mother and I are the complete opposite. Except for the fact that we both drink coffee, we have nothing in common. I am a little overweight right now. I lose and gain the same 40 pounds over and over again. Right now I am on the gain side of it. My mother however is small with big boobs. She bought the boobs and tucked her tummy a decade ago. I have to admit she looks pretty good for a woman her age, (59). She has forgotten that she too once had my body before the scalpel, and acts like she obtained her awesome bod with diet and exercise. Whatever.

She kept bringing me fug dresses that were too small and if by some miracle they did fit, they somehow made me look even worse. I was starting to freak when she brought in the final dress, the dreaded little black fat dress. It was decent and very black, because that is what you are going for of course at a wedding. I was exhausted, beaten and bruised by all of the trying on -- so I caved.

Now I a worried that I look like I am pregnant in it, and I might lie. But if I lie, and say that I am, I can't drink -- so scratch that idea. I am getting the cliche spray tan, because some fashion genius of the new millennium decided that pantyhose are passe. I do have smoking legs. Thanks to debilitating device of the 90s called the StairMaster. (I was on the loss side of the 40 back then.)

The irony is that I have held onto these little black satin slipper shoes since I was a teenager. They were my mother's in the seventies. I am going to wear them with this little black fat dress and pray that they hold up. They are almost as old as I am. I tried them on today and wore them around my house for about fifteen minutes, until I could not take the pain any longer. I am screwed, I know.

It's about time

Hi My name is Tina and I'm 38 years old living in Texas with my husband of 16 + years and two incredible kids ages 10 and 7. I have always wanted to start blogging -- so here we go...