The Tiny Tina

This is the newest addition to The Gillespie Family -- The Tiny Tina. During the week of Spring Break we were on our way unfortunately, to a funeral. Before leaving the house I booted up my HP P.C. that I bought in August to print up a map, and it made a loud POP sound followed by a burnt electrical smell. Needless to say the computer was fried, and the next day I had a lengthy conversation with HP tech support --( I felt like I was being talked through dismantling a bomb by a guy named Rashid) -- the HP tower was shipped off to be repaired.

The first day without a computer was the hardest. I was lost. How much money do we have in the bank? What will the weather be like tomorrow? I couldn't take it anymore!! My husband agreed that we must get a spare computer. So, we bought the smallest, cheapest lap top (more like a hand top) the Acer. Even my children are annoyed by it's small stature. I feel like Shrek trying to type -- my hands seem huge and clumsy. My friend suggested using Q-tips to type with.

Party Animals

Griffin and Sophie at the party store. Notice how Griffin is drinking her beer hat. I told him after I had taken this picture, that I would most likely post this on my blog. His response -- " you don't have anything better to use?"

Wise a#*.

Cougarfest '09 -- The After Party

The time is around 2:30 am when these pictures were taken and we were feeling great. The party is over, we have been kicked out of the bar. Gone is my bitchy girl pose and I am as loose as a goose , (Grey Goose to be exact). I have not stayed up until 2:30am since Sophie was a baby and she is almost 8 years old. The parking lot party turned out to be more entertaining than the actual party itself. I have no idea who the tiny blonde with the halter top is. She was extremely lit -- and was extra friendly and talkative. The conversation turned to fake boobs,( like I'm sure most conversations do after 2am), and sure enough, she had a shiny new pair. She showed them to and us we felt them -- all except for Brad that is. Then for some reason, she wanted me to show mine.

Now, I am no prude, by any means, but my boobs are real. There is a major difference between the real deal and the perfection of perky silicone or saline boobs. There was no way in hell I was whipping anything out for anyone to see -- much less a complete stranger. So she chased me around tugging at my top. I wasn't mad, I was actually took it as a compliment. I have never been hit on by a lady, so it was about time.

Awkward

Why must I always
photograph like a character from Twilight? This is a pic from Carla's party of course, and the lovely lady on the other side of Brad is Christine. She was always so glamorous in high school. She looks the exact same now, except with smaller hair. I ate lunch with Christine I think my 11th grade year. I was fascinated with her makeup and hair (I know it sounds shallow -- and it was.) She graduated with my husband ,(1987), and at his ten year reunion I was tipsy,of course, and told her in the hotel bathroom that I had always had a NON sexual crush on her. When I said that to her -- she looked at me like I had said, "I am sexual predator out on parole." or "I want to kill your puppy." She took off out of that bathroom faster than you could say lesbian. ** It was a line from Seinfeld -- it was after all 1997 when this conversation took place. ** Anyway, I hadn't seen her since then, and I was hoping she didn't have a memory like me, and the good news was she didn't.

Sea breeze Clarification

Okay, my good friend Kristie called me yesterday to let me know that a Sea breeze is Vodka, Cranberry juice and Grapefruit juice. When I ordered my first Vodka and Cranberry I asked the bartender -- "What do you call that?" She said, "A Sea breeze." So who knows what the hell I was drinking. What I do know is that I had a hangover like I was in college the next day, and when I went to I-Hop in the morning it took all that I had not run out of that place and go puke in the parking lot, because that restaurant is like a maze and there was no way I could of made it to the restroom in time. For the record, I made it through breakfast, without getting sick on myself or anyone else. What a lady.

Carla's 40th Birthday Party

Let's start at the beginning, shall we? On March 21st my old friend Carla had a birthday party to celebrate her turning 40. It was held at the Rock Lava Lounge in Montgomery -- that is why we stayed at Del Lago for the night (see the video clips from prior posts.) This picture was taken at the beginning of the evening around 10:30pm when Brad and I had first arrived and are on our first round of drinks. While we are on the subject of drinks, I thought long and hard about what I should drink at this party. I maybe a husky girl, but I can't drink worth a s*@#! I always have a massive hangover the next day that lasts until the afternoon -- then I end it with Mexican food, for some reason. After some research, I made the decision to drink Sea breezes (yes, I know it sounds like my grandma's drink while playing bridge.) A Sea breeze is vodka and cranberry juice. Sounds harmless right? I mean, whatever damage you are doing with the vodka can be offset by the antioxidants and crap in the cranberry juice. Well I think I had like 7 or 8 that night.

Batgirl

We were taking a stroll in downtown Brenham last Friday evening, when we heard squeaking. This little thing was so pitiful. It was lying there on the sidewalk in a corner. I swear my first instinct was to pick it up, and feed it or something. Griffin brought me back to reality when he reminded me that the reason why he is squeaking and on the ground is because he is most likely rabid. The voice of reason -- from my 10 year old son. Who knew?

Muffin Top Be Gone

I am fat. There I said it. I own it now. Anyway, I have always loved Spanx (girdle for the new millennium) but they are too expensive. I found these in the pantyhose section of Walmart for $6.00. I can put these on and shop in the petite section -- yes, I do buy a large -- but it's the best oxymoron ever -- a petite large.

Del Lago Part III The Final Chapter

Del Lago part II

One Night at Del Lago

This past weekend, Brad and I dropped off the kids at my Mom's and then had a fun filled Saturday night at a 40th Birthday Party for our dear friend Carla. We stayed at Del Lago, a hotel/resort and spa in Montgomery, Texas on Lake Conroe. Brad and I grew up in Conroe and have been to this hotel many times in the past -- it had a total makeover recently-- and holy crap it was superfine! We don't get out much.

First Official Day of Spring Break

Comedy and Tragedy

This is a perfect depiction of these two.

This is not Griffin

Sophie's Dream Car

Sophie , my 7 year old, created a masterpiece yesterday using gel pen and crayon on notebook paper. It is a portrait of her driving her dream car. It is half minivan and half VW Beetle. I especially like the headlights. Anyway, I plan to use this evidence against her 9 years from now when she will be driving and begging for a new car.

"I am just making your dreams come true honey -- tada.... a VW bus!"

Helicopter Parent Part III

I am contemplating whether or not to let Griffin stay home from school tomorrow -- why you ask? Well, he has to recite the Declaration of Independence and he is nowhere near ready. It is like one of the most wordy documents in our nations history.

Yes, I think it's important -- but memorize it? It's like when your brainy friend's baby could say hello in like 5 languages to show off. I mean -- it's great -- but not necessary and a little annoying. Bonjour! Hola! etc....

I will make him go to school -- don't worry. Maybe I can conceal a blue tooth earpiece in his ear and I can read it to him when it's his turn. It will be like an episode of The Brady Bunch but in the 21st century and with better technology. Griffin would be Peter, not Bobby -- I hated Bobby.

French Fry Fiasco

Yesterday I went to Austin to help my brother move, that's another posting all together, I found myself making a run to the old house to clean and gather up the brick a brack that wasn't packed. I was alone, having left my kids at the new house with their new Aunt. I was STARVING. Everyone had already eaten at lunch time but I opted to keep working through lunch. Big mistake -- I know, so I ran to Burger King and bought a Whopper Jr. with fries. Now I haven't eaten french fries since, well it's been awhile. I thought, "Live it up -- you deserve these little heart disease sticks -- you've earned it."

One thing you must know, I am addicted to salt. I try so hard not salt food -- I really do, except when it comes to french fries. I realized that I did not ask for salt -- and let's face it, Burger King is no Sonic. They don't give you any condiments unless you ask for them. As I am driving back to the house -- I started to think that "surely there is some kind of salt in your car -- from fast food of the past." Especially from Sonic -- those mints and salt packets are everywhere in my car. Without looking -- I reach in the little storage pocket-thing on the inside bottom portion of my driver's side door. I use my fingers to sort through the old straw wrappers, paperclips and dried up wipes of the past -- and finally find what I think is a Sonic salt packet. I tear it open and sprinkle the entire packet all over my fries. I get in the house, sit on the floor for my yummy little picnic -- alone. I am about halfway through my meal when I start to realize that my fries taste like I am eating them at the beach. Gritty, sandy and no taste -- especially not salty. I then look down inside the Burger King bag and look closely at the salt packet. It was a silica packet. I had eaten half of the fries already!!! S#@$!

I call my husband -- who had just got in from his office and was at our house in Brenham. I told him the story -- and he went on the Internet to find out if death was eminent for me. Come to find out, it's basically harmless. If you eat a shoe box full of the stuff -- you would have a stomach ache and dry mouth. Whew!

Tip of The Week

This Brenham building is huge and overwhelming. I try to work on it daily. I get bored easily -- so my projects vary. I am always painting shiny, blinding white trim, and I hate to wash my brush after each use for two reasons:
1.) I'm lazy.
2). What a pain in the ass!

The solution I came up with was to keep my brush in the freezer wrapped in plastic after each use. This brush is 6 months old (at least), and I use it like every other day I bet. Just thaw it out first.

Moving Day

My brother, (from the same mother), is moving this weekend. He and his new bride are closing on a house today and moving tomorrow. The car in the picture above is his, and it, like him, is fast moving. So fast in fact, that within the past month and one week, he has gotten married, bought a house and is having a baby. The baby part -- well you do the math. My brother is so very successful and wonderful, funny and smart -- so he can handle of these life changes with grace. I would be so stressed and freaked that you could most likely find in me in one of two positions :
1. The fetal position on the floor in the corner
2. In front of the television with a gallon of Blue Bell.

The kids and I are traveling to Austin to help the happy couple move into their new love nest. I am expert mover (being one half Gypsy and one half Nomad). Brad and I have moved 15 times since 1990. I swear I should hold a seminar on the subject.

A True Renaissance Man

Back in the fall, Sophie's second grade class went to the annual Renaissance Festival held in Plantersville. I of course, being the kick ass Mom that I try to be, volunteered to go with the class to help. This picture depicts the early stages of the printing press and what you had to go through to just get the written word out for the people. Honestly, could most of the people even read back then? Anyway, you know how it goes at these things -- the employees/actors love the whip smart banter of the onlookers.

When our class arrived at the demonstration we surrounded him and his little tart of an assistant, who I am sure could be his daughter, but I am also quite sure they are sleeping together - so I am hoping that they are not related. He then took an unusually long amount of time to recognize the fact that we were even there, 17 sets of second grade eyes staring him down. When he did finally acknowledge us, he said something along the lines of, "Why are ye all staring at me?" I of course, being a lonely housewife who never speaks to anyone in person over the age of 10 for the most part of her day say, (in a perfect medieval accent I might add), "Why sir, we are only staring at you because thy is so very handsome." (I swear that I am not attracted to men who look like this guy -- ever.) Awkward silence then followed for what seemed like an eternity. Then the tart, a.k.a. his assistant, glared at me so harshly that I was a little scared for a second that she might lunge at me like guest on the Jerry Springer show.

New Rule: Don't speak in an English accent in public and don't flirt with the employees at the Renaissance Festival.

Barack Star

My son thinks our 44th President is the coolest. He made this puppet to show his love for the new administration. We sent it to the White House and everything. Every time Griffin sees him on television he asks "I wonder if he plays with my puppet?" I told him "if you wanted someone to play with your puppet we should of sent it to Rush Limbaugh" and I kid you not, he said "he can't play with it, he's still in rehab."

Easy Like Sunday Morning

I can't tell you how many times people have told me "We missed you at church on Sunday."

We try to go, we really do, but we usually have only one full day to work on this building and Sunday is the day. My husband works like a 20 hours a day 6 days a week. Well, honestly I would rather be at church. There's nothing like tearing out something, so that you can fix it before nightfall. Brad is seen here doing that very thing. We had a huge gaping hole in the back of the building until like 8:00pm that night. Oh yeah -- big surprise there was termite damage too. This building is like one giant toothpick for those bastards.

Facebook

I love Facebook way too much -- I'm sorry to report.

I am going to try a Facebook cleanse during the week of Spring Break ( Mar. 16-20) just to break free of the cycle I am in right now. Until then... I have been pondering super sharp and witty Facebook status update lines.

You know like, "Tina is so happy it's Friday!" -- or "Tina is loving this pretty weather " You get the point.

What if we really told the truth on Facebook about what is going on in that moment? Don't sugar coat it just be honest for once.

For example:

"Tina is busy cleaning up dog diarrhea" or "Tina is wondering why her life is so empty and shallow that she must worry about her Facebook status, at all --- ever. "

Life Before Kids

Before I had children I wasted vasts amounts of time doing shiz like this. Coming home from work in 1993 in my skort suit, white hose and all, and throwing a birthday party for Pepper -- a Schnauzer who bit me every time I gave her a bath. This dog lived to be 16 and bit me on the day of her death.

Car Line

Everyday I wait in two car lines for two children at two schools. Today, I was behind a red Ford Focus who insisted on blaring their car stereo so loud it shook the contents of my purse. The bass was so strong I felt a nosebleed coming on. I feel like I am about 80 years old while writing this -- complaining about the noise. I was just about to get out of my vehicle (Vanny, the super awesome bad a#% Minivan) when I stopped to listen to what was playing. It was old school Gospel music. It sounded like Easter Sunday service coming out of that 4 door Focus, license plate FLH-77N. So I got out my paper fan, rolled down the window and went with it.

Happy Birthday Texas

This past weekend, I took the kids to Washington on the Brazos State Park for Texas' B-Day. It was a day filled with Texas history and even a Texas size birthday cake that my kids are chowing down on in the pic above. We listened to lectures, saw Sam Houston, Stephen F. Austin and our State Rep. Lois Kolkurst. It was a fun day, but it made me come to the realization of my true feelings about being a Texan. It's like complaining about your kids or husband to one of your girlfriends -- you can say all of the s#@*t you want to, but if they say something negative about them -- you will kick their a%*! Most of the time I wish I lived in another state -- I really do. I'm like a fish out of water here . I don't tan. I hate Country music . I do not drive a truck. I could on and on. If someone from somewhere else talked s*%$t about Texas I would cut them. (Not really, but I'd talk about them behind their backs -- I'm certain of that.)